on paths

I’m thinking about paths today.

Paths of self-discovery. Paths toward understanding what my body, my soul, and maybe even the world need from me. Paths of “right choices” and the question underneath: right for whom?

There are paths we step onto deliberately. And others we find ourselves walking without ever being asked.

Sometimes we walk so long we forget there were other directions.

And then there are the short paths. The ones that end abruptly.

A favorite actor died this week. Too soon. Too fast. From a disease that does not negotiate. It does not care about age, healthy habits, genetics, or access to treatment. It does not care about our need to believe we are in control.

When something like this happens in the public space of the internet, it comes uncomfortably close. It feels like a reminder slipped under the door.

“Live your life now.”

But what does that even mean in a dopamine-driven world of constant noise and micro-distractions? I understand the idea. I can explain it in theory. In practice, it feels slippery.

In our work, we touch lives. And our lives are touched in return.There are so many moments when I think: this is not fair.

I once listened to a therapist respond to the question “Why is this happening to me?” with another question: “Why wouldn’t it?”. It made me perplaxed, and a little angry, and intellectually seeing the point.

And still.

It doesn’t make it fair.

So what do we do with that?

Maybe the answer is not about controlling the path.Maybe it is about walking it awake. Not pretending we are fully in charge. Not pretending we are not.

Choosing, even when the choosing is small. Caring, even when it hurts.Continuing, even when the path feels fragile.